ADOLPH HITLER’S PLAN
At a dock in the Rhine River there was a very old but very large ship, which had carried freight and then been converted to carry oil and finally to carry weapons in case it was attacked. The vessel served no purpose and was expendable. And it suited Hitler’s plan perfectly. It was a chilly spring night when a squinty-eyed old man named Fritz took Captain Kruger, a much-revered hero for saving a destroyer from being sunk by a submarine on a tour of the old ship. Accompanying them was a cat.
“That,” observed Kruger, “is the largest domestic cat I’ve ever seen. What do you call it?”
“It’s a Forest Cat, Captain,” Fritz replied. “Just one step away from linking the wild cats with our housecats.” He petted the cat. “She is a big one, isn’t she? We call her Lili Marlene for the girl in the song that’s so popular with our troops.”
“I’ve always been fond of cats,” Kruger said, leaning down to get a better look at Lili. “But let me warn you. Get her out of sight, because the fuehrer is to meet us on the dock, and you may have heard about his problem with cats,”
Fritz looked at him quizzically. Kruger, a very large man, stood straight and gazed down at the cat, who was now sniffing his leg.
“Cats drive him crazy,” the captain said. “Even crazier than he already is. Please don’t quote me or he’ll have my head. The man throws fits if he sees a cat. Orders his bodyguards to kill every cat in sight. So send your cat back on the ship and tell her to stay hidden.”
“Will he let her stay on the ship?” Fritz asked. “And I’d like to go too, if you take her out.”
“When there are men on the ship, it means there’ll be rats. She’ll serve a good purpose. But not a word to the fuehrer..” He paused and listened. “I think I hear them coming now. Get the cat back on the ship.”
Fritiz guided Lili to a cabin door and pushed her inside. “You be quiet now.” he told her. “No noise,” He turned to the Kruger. “Will the fuehrer get on the ship?”
“I doubt it,” the captain replied. “Let’s stay on the dock. I can tell him all about the vessel.”
Fritz was curious. “What does he plan to do, Captain?”
Kruger shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine, Mr. Fritz. Perhaps he’ll tell us. But I know he wants to take the vessel out, and I think she’s in shape to make at least one more trip.” He turned back toward where Hitler and a small group of bodyguards were approaching.
Suddenly there was a scream, and three of the men accompanying Hitler moved closer to him as if to protect him. Two uniformed men drew their pistols, the modern Walther P-38s, and pointed them toward the end of the dock.
“Kill it!” screamed Hitler. “Kill it!”
He was struggling to get loose from the plain clothes bodyguards, but they guarded him as if an assassination attempt was occurring.
“Cat,” Hitler screamed. “Cat! Kill it!”
One of the uniformed men aimed his pistol and fired three shots, and Kruger could see something about 50 feet away thrown high into the air.
Now the other uniformed man fired, and whatever it was slumped down in a heap, still moving.
“We got it,” one of the men told the fuehrer quietly. “Nothing to fear now,” He holstered his gun.
Fritz had witnessed all this from the gangplank and now hurried to where a wounded cat was lying.
He scooped it up in his arms and walked back toward the ship.
“Throw it in the river,” screamed Hitler. “Throw it in…”
Fritz started up the gangplank.
“I’m taking it to the other side of the ship,” he told Hitler. “Where the water is deeper.”
Hitler did not reply and Fritz reached the top of the gangplank and disappeared through the door.
And the “attack” on Germany’s chancellor was over.